|
By Stuart Altschular
(June
2001): "History is not an accident.
History is a choice." Bayard Rustin
I am as moved to anger
today, as I was on January 20, 2001. If you
recall, this was the day that a governor was
invited to live in the White House and
pretend that he was elected president. Since
last November, since Election Day, I have
been struggling with a depression and
sadness that I have seen in many of my
clients. This is not because Al Gore did not
gain the presidency. It is because I have
felt a sense of hope and well-being for the
last eight years, that I live in a country
that finally is beginning to honor who I am
as a human being. It is because I feel that
I live in a place where I can feel that the
basic fabric of our society is woven, by its
own people, with decent, conscious, humane
thread.
I am not alone in what I
call "Election Related Depression". Our last
election has had a profound effect on the
emotional well being of many in this
country. Many people now feel
disenfranchised, disrespected, and
powerless. Looking toward the next four
years, they are feeling hopeless and
pessimistic, and wonder if the last eight
had even been real. It is not unrelated to
an eight-year drug high; and then the crash
as the euphoria wears off. I thought to call
it "Bush Related Depression." However, in
all honesty, I have endured the loss of my
favored candidate in other elections when
there was a clear victory. In this election,
I would have accepted Bush, however
begrudgingly, had he won with all votes
counted and a clear consensus.
In the Fall of 1968, I
remember being a naïve and true American. I
remember being a freshman at Harpur College
(now Binghamton University in NY) an
defending my government and my president
because I was raised to believe that they
would always tell the truth and that the
system always worked. We had a right and
just purpose to be in Vietnam, I thought,
because our government said so. I remember
standing in the dorm lounge arguing this
with a 6'4" militant sophomore name John,
while thinking he was crazy to be that
agitated and opinionated. This was a time of
true turmoil in our country ? civil rights,
women's rights, student's trying to teach
our elders, as much as learning from our
professors. And, of course, in 1969,
Stonewall. It was a time of activism for
many but for me, always the cautious one, I
watched and felt uneasy. I began to feel
things and that frightened me.
It took many semesters, and
the invasion of Cambodia, for me to finally
listen to my heart and to march, protest,
and hand out flyers to the workers at IBM in
Endicott, NY. I marched to Albany for gay
rights. I attended rallies. I was angry but
also scared of my anger and scared for my
country. I remember participating, not as a
leader, but as a timid man still afraid that
I was doing something bad, but nevertheless
compelled to take action. There was power in
these actions that came from within, one
that was unfamiliar to me. But it felt good.
I felt similarly on January
20, 2001. I knew what had to be done and
where I needed to be. Like many people
protesting in other cities across our
nation, I was in Pershing Square, in
downtown Los Angeles, at a rally and march
protesting the election and the
"inauguration". I was with a few thousand
others also suffering from this condition,
an yet taking action in an empowering way
with a constructive direction. I saw clients
and friends and strangers who were there for
the same reasons: a crowd of elderly, others
from my generation of activists, high school
students, and parents with their teens and
young children. I felt strong again, and I
felt us all being strong together. Clearly I
was not alone in this and I felt stronger.
What also became stronger in
me is a fear that my life has a new calling.
In some form, I must continue to keep my
power activated, keeping myself involved in
this process in many ways. This message is
just one of them. I used to be a news junkie
but now I can hardly watch or listen so I
mostly just read the news. It is too
disturbing to see Bush's face and hear his
voice but this does give me more time for
other, more constructive, endeavors.
It is events like these in
our clients' lives that drive them to seek
therapy. Those events could be a history of
childhood abuse, the death of a loved one, a
history of addictions and so many other
things that scar and damage the psyche, the
heart, the mind and the soul. Just a few
moments ago, while watching HBO's new film
Boycott, I heard Bayard Rustin's
quote---"History is not an accident. History
is a choice."---referring to the 13-month
bus boycott in Montgomery, Alabama, the
event that began a movement to force this
country to begin a slow process of righting
two centuries of wrongs done to our "Negro"
citizens. The courageous African Americans
who came together in Alabama and across the
country, came together as a community, as
one voice, and achieved change. Perhaps even
more important were the changes that
happened within their souls, which learned
that history as "choice" comes from
conscious decisions we make today that
create our future history. History is not an
accident.
By writing this, I do not
condemn those who voted for Bush or Nader.
In fact, LAGPA has a registered Republican
on our board of directors. One of our
members, Charley Lang, a psychotherapist and
occasional actor, played a Gay Republican
Congressman on The West Wing in a way that
so moved me that I actually can more fully
understand how a queer person could be a
Republican. This article is about my
personal experience. This is not about
politics as much as it is about the
psychological and emotional impact that
events had on me and which I believe, impact
all human beings. What moves me to action is
injustice and oppression. It is injustice
and oppression that causes the problems we
see in our offices daily. It is injustice
and oppression that affects our own lives.
We must stay conscious and vigilant of our
own demons if we are to continue to be
compassionate guiding lights to our clients
and our community.
I believe that LAGPA as an
organization is here to focus on the
psychological and emotional well being of
our clients and our community. It is
extremely important that we, as therapists,
do not underestimate the overt and covert
impact of external events in the world as
they affect individuals and relationships.
Current events have an impact on one's
ability to feel depression, happiness, joy,
grief, and love, to work, play, sleep, drive
and live life.
I am grateful to have been a
part of history that molded my sense of
conscience and taught me what was possible
when the cause is just and my heart finally
screams out at a volume that I cannot
ignore. I try now to listen to my heart,
even when the sound is quieter. I have
learned that my heart is always right and my
head understands that it must find a way to
follow through on my heart's urgings.
And so I am writing this to
urge you, my colleagues and friends, to not
ignore the symptoms of "Election Related
Depression." While I am surprised by my
difficulty to move on, I cannot act as if
nothing had happened and, as if nothing
needs to be done. I believe that the powers
that be in Florida and the Supreme Court let
us down. However, I also believe that we
have a system that does work, even if it
loses its way from time to time. In the same
manner, we have minds and hearts that really
can take care of us, even if they too, lose
their way from time to time. As therapists,
I believe that we are present as conscious
lights and guides to help people rediscover
their path, whatever that path may be. As
human being, as a part of society, I feel I
have a similar charge for my own soul. I
will not stop, I will not be silent.
back to articles
|
